The Philosopher's Stone Cold Sober

Ok, I'm not technically a philosopher, not a proper one. But I have always deeply pondered things. Existence has always been my muse. It's a magical world and the things that are possible are mind-blowing. So why am I stuck in a very boring Groundhog Day situation with booze? I really can't stand that movie. It is the WORST. It's so depressing. Why do I do the same thing to myself knowing I have every opportunity to live a most glorious magical life? I know enough about addiction to know that I too have fallen and I can't get up.

Last night I had my last alcoholic beverage ever. I would love to know that for sure, but from this perspective, all I can see is forward. I can tell you why I think I won't, yet drink again. I have a 20+ year history of being great at drinking, yet drinking has given me little in return. Instead, it's taken quite a bit. Here I am at age 41, having recently acquired Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA). It's called an autoimmune disease but I can tell it's my body's way of saying I haven't been taking care of myself. 2 years ago I had another mystery illness with severe IBS that kept me on the toilet around 20 times a day. Food didn't seem to stay in my body, and I lost 14kg very quickly. I could hardly walk. I lost all my supportive muscles. All the expensive specialists and cameras in uncomfortable places came up with nothing, and I was given Gastro-Stop and Valium to clog up my digestion so I wouldn't die of malnutrition. Nice one medical system.

After that, I realised like many people failed by the medical system, that I would have to take my health into my own hands. Lucky for me, the most magical thing happened and I found this guy who is called a Medical Medium and he has been gifted the gift of hearing a voice from what he calls the 'Spirit of Compassion'. He started hearing this voice when he was just 4 years old. Since then he's helped heal millions of people with his books and information on the true causes of illness. His name is Anthony William for those of you interested in finding him. I highly recommend you do if you have any inkling to live a healthy and vibrant 'best life ever'.

I learnt that my mystery IBS that was killing me was caused by a floopy vagus nerve. My vagus nerve was so irritated by the stress of having my now 4-year-old son. He didn't sleep well for the first 3.5 years and I breastfed him all day and all night. I knew it was hard on my body but I couldn't do anything else as my son is a very sensitive little one, and I couldn't find a way to peacefully extract myself from the feeding and snuggling without feeling like I'd traumatise him. I know my own trauma from being stuck in a cot away from my family as a baby has permanently damaged me and my attachment style. These things matter. To me at least.

So our vagus nerve, which is a gloriously mysterious nerve that runs from our head all through our body, regulates many things including our digestion. My digestion was getting hyper-whack signals and decided that it just can't even.

I lost so much weight that my hair started falling out. I lost about half of it. 2 years later I have the strangest hair that is many lengths all over. It's like I had a mullet or very bad hair extensions. I recently cut it to shoulder length to get it a bit more even. My husband isn't a fan of my haircut. I don't think he quite understands how little I care about having short hair considering all I've been through with my health and trying to survive each day. But that's probably good because who needs him to suffer too? Amirite?? I've always been good at suffering alone. (poor me, there's the 'baby left in the cot to cry on the other side of the house' trauma again.)

Long story short, I started taking CBD oil and that calmed my wee vagus nerve and allowed food to stay in my body. 2 years later I have put in almost all the 14kg I lost which is bittersweet because now I feel chubby and unfit. I am because I'm too tired to exercise. That's the RA talking because it makes even basic moving around hard. We have stairs in our new house. Yesterday I had to sit on them and slide down them on my bum with my 4-year-old on my lap because I couldn't carry him and I couldn't walk down. It's a worry. But at least I can eat now.

The medical medium talks about RA as a viral infection caused by a strain of Epstein-Barr virus (EBV). He says usually RA is caused by inflammation in the joints where the body is trying to stop the virus from leaving the joints and spreading into connective tissues. He says that it is not the body attacking itself, it is the body attacking this viral invader. Our body is always trying to help us.

This is great news because it takes away the mystery and it gives us the power to heal. The way to heal is to rid the body of the EBV. To do this we need to starve the EBV, as it feeds and thrives on certain foods and toxins within us. These 'Troublemakers' he calls them, include eggs, dairy, gluten, GMO products like corn, canola oil, soy, artificial flavours, MSG, pork, and other chemicals that are around us every day, like perfume and scented candles.

Other things we need to do are clean out the liver because that's where a lot of toxins live that the EBV feeds off. It often hides out in the liver. So that means coffee and alcohol have to go too. These impact the liver greatly by producing toxic adrenaline.

So this is another reason to stop drinking, but it is not the only reason I am choosing to quit alcohol. As an addict, I can see I have a problem. If I didn't have a problem with alcohol then I would be able to just stop. To have a break when I feel like it. I know I can now have a day off easily, but thinking I will never drink again pains me. After a day without booze, I start to think of booze again. I have glorified it and given it praise for helping me de-stress and unwind after my very busy and emotional days being a mother to a teenage daughter and a toddler. This is not an easy job! I tell myself I deserve to unwind and take the pressure off. I have been through ALOT. I deserve the fake happiness that comes after I pour myself and glass of rose. It can be almost euphoric. But it never lasts long, I even notice how poisonous it tastes these days, and by the time I go to bed, I am dreading waking up at 3 am with an agitated feeling of thirst, needing to wee, and feeling gross. It's almost impossible to get back to sleep and I wake up in pain (from the RA) and tired (from the RA and the wine).

It just doesn't seem worth it.

I've read enough quit-lit now to know how bad alcohol is for me. How it causes 6 different types of cancer. How it is officially been labelled a proper carcinogen. So why are they still bloody selling it on every form of media out thereIt'ss glorified in movies and shows and real life? It's bloody hard to avoid taking an addictive toxin when it's portrayed in the same light as a glamorous movie star. We know what you're doing advertising companies and it's NOT OK.

I just read they cancelled 'Dry January' in France because the wine companies in France cracked a stink about it reducing their wine sales. So they actually CANCELLED IT. Who needs to promote health and give people a chance to live longer when there's wine to be sold?! Excuse moi?? May as well grab yourself a carton of fags while you're at it. Those tobacco companies deserve an income too you know. Hey, why not pop around to your local heroin dealer too and help them support their lifestyle. It's just business! People gotta live. (Oh the irony.)

So anyway, I think I've gone off track a million times in true Sheri style, but you'll get used to that. (Hopefully.) Let me leave you with a thought for the day;

If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

And on the other side of that, if it is broke then you, like me are probably trying to fix it. So hang in there. It's hard for some of us to even realise we have a problem with drinking when we don't always drink a lot, but if you find yourself questioning your relationship with alcohol, consider it a problem. It's enough to cause you an uneasy feeling. We don't have to live with that feeling! I want to live with confidence and comfort in my soul. I want that for you too. Go us!